Vegetarians only get food poisoning when they pray for 100 words a minute in shorthand and not world peace during a Havan (Hindu prayer ceremony to promote good vibes in your home.) 

Every time I’ve told one of my friends I almost died of food poisoning last weekend the follow up question is; ‘are you just being dramatic?’ 

Do I sound like I’m being dramatic? 

Although, looking back, warding off my little sister because she was trying to feed me cucumbers to replenish the electrolytes I lost whilst throwing up, does seem a bit far.

The last time I had food poisoning I was in Prague and I think it was because I ate some dodgy chicken. 

In the evening, everyone had chosen to eat at this bar because they were showing the football match. 

And I obviously didn’t want to go so I threw a mediocre level strop, which is kind of like a tantrum but a lot more demure and irreverent come backs for when someone tries to call you a drama queen.    

When we got there I think I was only half way through my strop all together and decided to order the salad. The salad had chicken in it and made me throw up 3 times the next day. 

When I started to feel better I got my period. 

This is the story behind why I’m now a vegetarian.   

Unfortunately, Mother Nature does not let you abstain from your period the same way you can abstain from meat.  

This years food poisoning story started on Saturday morning. My sister wanted to have a Havan and everyone was up and ready by 8am.  

My head hurt so I took a paracetamol on an empty stomach, which in hindsight, wasn’t the best idea. Well, not even in hindsight – I knew it was a bad idea but at the time, I just forgot. 

I threw up four times throughout the day and when I finally started to feel better I got my period. 

And I would just like to use this experience to confirm that Satan is 100% real. 

Le fin.

I haven’t put the link to songs for a while so here you go:

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