Everyone’s a serial ghoster and it’s got to the point where we’re almost impressed by someone who takes the initiative to ghost us first.

The only concern I have when it comes to ghosting is whether it’s a way of building up bad karma, which is a narcissistic approach, and probably the closest to ‘guilt’ as I’m going to get. 

Does the weird little bearded bloke in your requested dm’s require a response or do you get a free pass when it comes to ghosting somebody you’ve never actually met before?

Is the weird little bearded bloke in your dm’s sending you Shrek themed COVID-19 memes and explicit photos with a black and white filter, or is that just me?

So far my plan has been to ignore him for as long as possible in the hope that he goes away eventually?

I guess it’s slightly easier to reject a borderline predatory leech (associate the leech with a gender yourself) that makes you feel widely uncomfortable 75% of the time in a global pandemic.

Do you think COVID-19 has helped us realise that we are all just serial ghosters, hoping the opposition has too much pride to double text?

Or does the global pandemic mean we can finally tell them the truth: it’s not me, it’s the fact that you don’t believe in climate change and I find your questionable views on feminism a bit worrying.

It’s easier to reject someone online because you can just like the last thing they’ve said, even if it was a direct question, because it’s totally viable to tell him (her/them) that you thought it was rhetorical and send them three cry laughter faces to defuse the situation. Although the repercussions of this may lead to waking up to a voice note riddled with expletives from a man with a bruised ego the next day.

 But, the whole dodging a bullet, (i.e a total misogynist) makes it totally worth it and the only thing I learnt from this experience is to feel less guilty when you’re about to block a creep. Although, these aids are redundant in real life, like how do you ghost a cat-caller? Do you start with reminding them that their approach has had a 0% success rate and is borderline rapey? Or do we just reach for our phones, increase our pace and try to bury ourselves into our jackets as if it was our fault, rather than normalising the idea that it’s got nothing to do with us, and a dickhead will always be a dickhead.

Put your finger down if a random guy has yelled at you from their car and made you feel extremely targeted, embarrassed and uncomfortable.

Put your finger down if a random guy has driven at 10mph alongside the pavement and repeatedly asked you if you’re single or married. Then later you try and make light of your near-death experience by telling one of your friends and you start questioning why the leech only gave two options, I could be in a relationship, a practicing nun or divorced – why is he limiting my scope like that? And then your friend says: “I’m so glad that I don’t have to deal with this as a guy,” but since we’re associating the gender of the leeches ourselves, this comment seems slightly naive.

Or maybe that one is just me? *puts finger down*

Let’s be honest, the easiest way to reject a guy is tell him about another one, because he’s more likely to respect the ‘property’ of another man than believe that you – an individual with independent thoughts – is just not interested. 

Are we allowed to reject men? Like is it naive to believe that they’ll take your no as their final answer? Or do we have to rely on white lies, soft ghosts and faint humouring just so we don’t end up dead in a ditch? Therefore, a blunt no is often considered a pending yes in order to ease the direct attack his ego has just experienced.

To make themselves feel better, they’re either going to do two things: they’ll say ‘you’re not even that pretty anyway’ or keep trying in the hope that you’ll give in eventually. In the past this has made me feel like i’m playing a two-player game where only one of us has pressed start.

But do you still have to verbally reject the guy that decided to rate a traumatic experience (shared out of naivety) as an eight out of 10, or does the feeling just become mutual once he’s realised what he’s said? Sometimes the rejection is inevitable: if you think it’s going badly, they must feel the same way surely?

For example, when someone asks you what your favourite random fact is and then spends the next 10 minutes googling whether cows can walk up the stairs but not down them. Even though you drew out an excellent diagram on a napkin of how the ass-to-tit ratio would mean they would topple over because cows aren’t streamlined.

In the 21st century why are women still being governed by an invisible body that is so powerful, it no longer feels the need to leave brash and bold instructions because we have just become accustomed to our subordinate position in society.

Also why are we still humouring the men that consider your rejection as a challenge to change your mind?

Can we normalise the idea that women have their own thoughts and opinions and sometimes they just don’t like you like that.

3 thoughts on “How to reject a guy

  1. Love this post! “Everyone’s a serial ghoster and it’s got to the point where we’re almost impressed by someone who takes the initiative to ghost us first” hit home so hard. I also used to find it really hard to block someone or reject someone just because I would feel guilty even though they were awful and deserved it.

    Liked by 1 person

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